What thé-crypt is ...[13-March-2004 18:03 EST]

Basically thé-crypt is the culmination of a small personal site that has gradually gotten out of control and now covers a rather eclectic range of topics that this author finds strangely entertaining.

I doubt that it will ever aspire to become one of the epic uber-sites that have found their niche on the 'net ... but at least a google search will show that I made a small "llama-shaped" impression in the fabric of reality!
- Calmer Llama.

  What thé-crypt is not ...[13-March-2004 17:39 EST]

Despite its rather ominous title, thé-crypt does NOT feature content on any of the following topics:

  • Hacking, phishing, virus development, warez, software cracking or any other "black-hat" related activities.
  • Black magic, witchcraft, voodoo, the black arts or anything to do with death in any way, shape or form.

We in no way encourage or advocate the wholesale slaying of the innocent, reverse-engineering the latest Microsoft O/S, manufacture of genetically engineered root vegetables, appreciation of country and western music, racial vilification or anything else that, quite frankly, could get us into trouble with any government or law enforcement agencies.

No animals were harmed during the creation and maintenance of this web-site ... although we did abuse the IT goat from time to time (see below for more on the "goat"!)
- Calmer Llama.

  Why thé-crypt? ...[13-March-2004 17:31 EST]

So why did we name this site thé-crypt?

  1. It seemed like a pretty cool name.
  2. The domain name wasn't taken
  3. Most of the site updates are performed within the dark confines of a defiled mausoleum just outside Wichita, Kansas.

What more can I say?
- Calmer Llama.

The genesis of the IT goat ...[13-March-2004 14:46 EST]

Where our gentle reader is introduced to the origin of our woolly mascot. (Please note that some of the facts have been changed to protect the guilty ... and make the story a bit more interesting. There's also a bit of profanity later on.)

Several years ago, during a project to develop a Standard Operating Environment, we regularly came upon technical problems, policy issues, scripting conundrums etc. that regularly resulted in the project members tearing their hair out and blistering paint off the walls by the copious amounts of profanity that they routinely howled at each other.

Initially, the abuse considered primarily of rather colourful adjectives being applied to your everyday farmyard animals. For example, if during the creation process of a Ghost image, the application crashed, the expletive: "Tit fuck a duck!" might be made in reference to this event. Other phrases used included: "Get a gerbil up ya sideways," "Roll that freakin' moose in and start smacking it's nuts" ... you get the idea.

Once word of these colourful phrases reached the rest of IT, others started contributing their own content. Some suggestions were particularly sad such as "Spin the sparrow," "Hammer the hamster" and "Shaft the black fella" (the last was a slightly more cerebral double-entendre.)

One day, during a furious exchange of insults, something along the lines of the following was quoted:

Team member A: "Why the flying fuck doesn't this goat shagging piece of software work like the fucking doco says it should?"

Team member B: "How the fuck should I know? I'm still trying to get VET anti-virus working on this fornicating goat-monger of a notebook!!"

Strangely both team members thought these comments, and primarily the use of the "goat," were both accurate and amusing.

Further grammatical investigation revealed that:

  1. The insertion of the word "goat" in any sentence emphasising a information technology problem, fault, SNAFU, etc. greatly increased the impact of the sentence on any IT staffer who happened to be listening at the time.
  2. The number of instances of "goat" within a sentence was directly proportional to the severity of the problem, fault, SNAFU etc.

Ever since, the use of the "goat" has become common place around our workplace. It's also a remarkably flexible word in that you can use it as a noun, adjective, or adverb depending on the context in which it is used.

For example:

" The god-damn goat of a server is out of warranty and it's just thrown a goat-spanking disk. Would I be right in assuming that our goat-mastering managers in their infinite wisdom inserted a large goat sideways when they decided NOT to buy any goat chowder-chucking spares?"

Coincidentally this also answers the age old question, "Which came first? The badger or the goat?"

It was definitely the goat!
- Calmer Llama.